Things to Ponder


Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

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99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

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A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

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If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

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OK, so what's the speed of dark?

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How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

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When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

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Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

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Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

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I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.

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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

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What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

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My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

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Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

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A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

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The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

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The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

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The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

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The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

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Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film!



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